(no subject)

[moseyin]

[It happens in the middle of nowhere.

Just another nondescript hole Zack's found to curl them up into. Sometimes they're lucky enough to get a bed in the slums somewhere, the outskirts of some crappy little village or the deep, dank alleyways of a larger city. Most of the time they have a tent, if they're lucky, if Zack manages and money allows, and sometimes they're not lucky and they forfeit shelter for food, for potions for when Zack gets a wound that grit and gumption can't close.

Well- Zack does all of these things. They're a 'they' in bodycount only.

It's Zack dragging himself and Cloud across the countryside, it's Zack finding them shelter, finding them food, tearing into monsters to scrape together enough gil to keep them alive. It's Zack looking after the few wounds Cloud acquires during their journey, it's Zack who talks to him, who feeds him, who carries him on his god damn back for days and days and days on end. Weeks. Months.

Cloud isn't often awake, but sometimes he is. Things are hazy like a dream, sloppy like slumber, slips and strips of memory, of experiences that barely thread together to make something patchwork. And that's how it is when it happens too, because it was only a couple times, fighting to break the surface of a pool of tar. He emerges not with a gasp but an awareness, only for a few moments before he's pulled under. Each time Zack was gone, or asleep, clutching Cloud to his chest for protection but too exhausted to hear his breathless whispers of Zack, Zack as Cloud tries desperately to rouse him, if only to reassure him of I'm here, I hear you, I see you, you're not alone until the mako curls around and into him and pulls him back under.

And then, that middle of nowhere.

Cloud wakes to the sun on his face; weak morning sun, wobbly, not yet hot. They'd slept outside. Zack is already awake, humming to himself, murmuring something, fiddling with a fire. He's going to make a hot breakfast for them. A luxury.

Cloud waits those few minutes, tense and unnerved, waiting for the coils of mako to pull him back under. His limbs still feel weak but something is...different this time. Things feel sharper. He can hear things more than Zack this time, more than the beat of his heart and the hush of his breath; he can hear the crackle of the fire, the chirp of far off birdsong. Cloud can feel the humidity clinging to his skin, sticking his clothes to his chest and back. He can smell the outdoors around them.

He is present. At last, he is.

Zack's turning around towards him, probably to collect him and bring him closer to the fire, to feed him again and once Zack reaches for him, once Cloud is sure he'll see he reaches, just barely, and closes a hand around Zack's wrist.] Zack.

Comments

[wingenvy]

Okay- easy, easy, take it slow.

[Zack shifts his grip to Cloud's waist, one hand hefting him up under the shoulder, the other gripping a suspender side and pulling as he stands upright himself. He sticks close to make sure Cloud can stand up and steady; it's been so long that he might not feel great, might not even be able to walk yet, but... Zack gets what he's trying to do, or at least he thinks he does. Whether Cloud remembers everything or not, he obviously remembers enough. Anybody would want to get back a bit of independence after being lost in the dark for so long.]

Doin' good?

[moseyin]

[Not at all. His knees are shaking, his legs feel like they can't barely hold his weight. He's hanging off of Zack like a bedsheet strung up to dry in the breeze. His hands are losing their grip on Zack's armor.

But he's standing. Because he wanted to.]

I'm- [Cloud's throat closes up on him, leaning more heavily on Zack before he starts to slide to the ground but Zack- Zack will catch him. And then he can try again, gather his strength and try to push himself back up. He can try as many times as he wants.]

[wingenvy]

[Zack lets him try a couple of times, and he does catch him each time, but finally he stops, setting a hand on Cloud's shoulder to try and hold him in place.]

Cloud- Cloud, hey. I know you wanna hit the ground running, but you've been in bad shape for a long time. Sit down, we'll get some food in you, and we're gonna work on getting your legs strong again together. Deal?

[Much as he'd love to stand here and try this all day with Cloud - he would do fucking anything for Cloud at this point, and he wants to make sure this state of mind stays - they're still on the run, and the Turks are never far behind them. They don't have a lot of time to waste until they find a safer place to crash.]

[moseyin]

[Right. Right,] -right, [Cloud agrees, and though he doesn't want to he sinks to the ground as Zack helps him sit. Right. Now that he's up, now that he's awake, he has to do what he can to help Zack. He can't let himself be a burden, not again, he can't. First order of business is to eat and get stronger.

But first-] Zack, [Cloud says, grabbing onto Zack's arm as he pulls away back to the fire to rescue their probably-burning breakfast,] Zack, you- you got me out. I- [I'll do anything for you.] I owe you everything. My whole life.

[wingenvy]

[Zack stares at him for a long moment, stunned, then huffs quietly and scuffs his hair, tugging himself free to go poke at the fire.]

Shut up, don't say that. I'd have to be a complete monster to leave you there. You're not, like, indebted to me or anything.

[moseyin]

I don't mean it like that. [Kind of wants to pull himself closer, shifts like he'll crawl if he has to. Determined. stubborn, more like ]

[wingenvy]

Hmm. Well, good.

[It's a bit of a melodramatic proclamation regardless of Cloud's intent, but Zack can't say he blames him, either. This whole thing has been one dramatic mess after another, a spiral since Sephiroth set the world on fire.

He sets the pot on a rock by the fire, trying to scrape the bottom-charred meat off with a sharp stick, and reaches back to toss a little round fruit at Cloud, aiming close to his hand. Test those reflexes, buddy!]

Catch! This'll be breakfast for a bit while I clean the mess.

[moseyin]

[YEAH no it bounces off the side of his hand when Cloud can't move nearly quick enough, but at least he manages to snag it before it rolls too far. It's probably too much to expect him to not be useless when he just woke up, can only barely stand, but Cloud's frustrated anyway.

He can make all the grand proclamations he wants, but until he actually manages to be of use to Zack, that's all they are.

When Zack packs up their camp and goes to pick Cloud up to help him into the sidecar of the bike, Cloud grabs Zack's wrist to stop him before fold in his legs himself. He just about falls into the seat, but he does it himself and that's at least something.]

[wingenvy]

[Well, what the hell, he'll call that happy progress for sure. Zack grins, giving Cloud's hair an encouraging ruffle - at least he hopes it's encouraging instead of condescending - and goes to take the driver's seat. Their lives just got so much easier, and although the road ahead is just as dangerous as before, this at least means they can watch each others' backs again.

For a long while there isn't much to do except drive, and the roar of the motorcycle's engine makes conversation difficult, so Zack focuses on the road in order to get them to their next destination as soon as possible. After at least four hours he angles them off the rugged path and back into more civilized territory, slowing down and keeping a more careful eye on who's around- any Shinra vehicles, both on the road or in the air, wandering troops, anything that might give them away. Fortunately, they're still far enough out in the boonies that Shinra presence is low, and it looks like the Turks haven't figured out their route yet, so after some careful circling he parks the bike in a station, gingerly pulling his fingers off the handlebars and stretching his sore muscles.]

How you doing, Cloud? Ready for a break?

[moseyin]

[Something about the way the countryside rolls past them, stretches and stretches of nothing but wilderness, barely a dirt path to follow as the world thrives outside of the reactors- Something about it is soothing. Calming.

Hypnotizing.

Cloud's barely aware when they stop. He hears the buzz of Zack's voice, but not what he says.

His tongue sits too heavy in his mouth to speak, but the panic still wells up in his throat.]

[wingenvy]

[Cloud isn't alone in that panic. The silence drags on a heartbeat too long, and Zack swings off the bike and leaps over the sidecar to get in close, grasping Cloud's face in his hands to try and catch a glimpse at his eyes.]

Cloud- Cloud! Stay with me, buddy, c'mon, wake up...

[No, no, no, please, no, he should have stopped sooner, he should have been more careful, don't leave me again--]

[moseyin]

[It takes a second-

But then Cloud manages to drag his gaze up to Zack's face, to focus on the worry in his eyes. Adrenaline shoots through him at the thought of leaving Zack to deal with this alone again and he manages to make a sound- nothing more than a grunt, a gurgle in the back of his throat but at least he gets his hand up to Zack's wrist before it falls again.

I'm here. I'm here.

It's hard not to be frustrated. Hours ago he was talking, almost standing on his own, and now he's back to this...but at least he's not gone. At least he can see, sort of, like a waking dream, but he's still present. He just needs to work harder at keeping himself from drifting off.]

[wingenvy]

[That second is agony, stretched out over what feels much longer. A held breath that exhales loud and heavy as Cloud- as he at least responds. He's still there, it's just difficult for him. Mako poisoning isn't something to be taken lightly, he knows. It's still a miracle that Cloud woke up at all.

He shudders, leaning in to rest his forehead against Cloud's, lingering there for a long moment with his eyes tightly clenched.]

Okay... okay. We'll take it slow.

[They've got time. Everything else can wait.

Reluctantly he withdraws just enough to cast another quick glance around the area, but it's still as deserted as before; some bored attendant is probably half-asleep inside the shop, and the Turks lost their trail in the forest a week ago, so they're likely still far enough away. Anyway, they'll hear the helicopters coming for miles.

He lifts Cloud up just enough to scoot into the sidecar with him, tugging Cloud against himself, and reaches back to lift up the cover he'd patched together to keep his partner dry when they had to drive in bad weather. It's a little tight with two of them, but it's cozy and quiet like this, any noise or attention from the road kept at a distance outside of the canvas.]

We're a few hours past the campsite, just had to stop for gas. I was gonna fill up and run, but I was thinking- I got a mad case of the munchies on the drive here. We passed this food truck, and it was wafting off this super-cheesy something, and since then all I've wanted was cheese puffs. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I had cheese puffs? Because I don't, but I want 'em.

[He'll keep talking- rambling, really- hoping that Cloud can find his voice again. The silence is the real killer, sometimes, and he can't stand it.]

[moseyin]

[The rambling helps. Even Zack squeezing into the sidecar with him, cramped as it is, helps. Zack's voice gives him something to focus on, something to listen to rather than something to filter out.

And it slams home just how afraid Zack is to go back to being alone. It's so hard to swallow the idea that Zack, Zack of all people, with how strong and brave and capable he is, that he can be afraid.

But they were both in that lab.

They both watched Nibelheim burn.

Zack says something else, some kind of tangent about junk food and how city stuff is always better except for Gongagan barbecue and Cloud realizes he's understood the past few sentences Zack's said, that the hum and murmur of his voice is actual understandable words instead of senseless noise.

Zack poses another off-hand question, Think we should get some jerky or something for the road while we're here? and Cloud swallows, presses his cheek against Zack's shoulder and manages a slow, drunk-sounding,] Yyeah.

[wingenvy]

[The response is encouraging, a confirmation that Cloud can not only hear him but understand, the words not just meaningless noise for once. Still there. Sluggish and hazy, but present. He hasn't fallen back into the hole that Zack's never been able to pull him out of. It coaxes a bit more of the panic out of Zack's chest, stills his pounding heart. It's okay. They're still okay.

He sounds hoarse, so Zack reaches over him to his own compartment of the bike, unscrewing the cap of a canteen and lifting it to Cloud's lips to drink.]

Here, you're probably thirsty, too. We'll get some carbs and water into ya, you'll be right back to where you were at this morning, you'll see. Salt's probably good for this shit, too, dilute the mako or something. Jerky's a good idea. ...Oh! Y'know what we need? Some rice. Mom used to put rice in the salt shaker to get the moisture out and keep it fresh. 'Course that was uncooked rice, so I dunno what happens once it's in the body... well, whatever! We can try it. I'll see if they have some, they've got a little grocery corner in there, I think. Dried goods and stuff.

[moseyin]

Zz...ack, [Cloud interrupts, speaking less and less like trying to pull a stick from a particularly stubborn bog the more attempts he makes. It's hard but Zack going on and on like that- as helpful as it is, it still bothers him.

With great effort he slides his hand between them, bumping against Zack's until he manages to nudge it atop his, give his knuckles the smallest squeeze.] M'kay...you're- nnnot alone...

[wingenvy]

[Zack halts immediately to listen, not wanting to miss a single, struggling word. It takes a few seconds for it to click, but once it does, a grateful smile crosses his lips. He turns his hand around and twines their fingers together, to hold more tightly and to give Cloud an easier time with holding him.

This guy... wrestling his way through every word, poisoned half out of his damn mind, and he's trying to comfort Zack. If he'd ever had a single doubt about leaving Cloud behind, this would've dashed it all away.

He's too good. Way too good.]

Yeah... I'm not. Not anymore. You're right here with me. And I'm not gonna let you go anywhere, so hold on tight, okay?

[moseyin]

[The squeeze he manages isn't much stronger than the one before, but it is.

It is.

The days pass by at a crawl. Zack doesn't always get an answer out of Cloud when he starts rambling, but more and more often he does. Sometimes Cloud improves at an agonizing slow pace, and sometimes he takes leaps and bounds forward. The first time Cloud manages to walk without assistance Zack is nearly beside himself with joy, which is honestly an overreaction but Cloud can't deny how good it makes him feel over something so small.

As he regains more of his autonomy the sidecar becomes something of an embarrassment, but it's not as if they have the luxury of retaining their pride. Cloud can at least get in and out of it without assistance now, and has taken it upon himself to scout behind them whenever possible so at least Zack has less to worry about.

One of the things that proves a persistent issue is the matter of his strength.

Not just his strength either; his reflexes, his senses. Everything is louder, brighter; his hands start moving faster than he remembers, he lurches when he just meant to walk. The first time he holds a can he crushes it before he's even popped the tab for a drink.]

's bullshit, [Cloud growls, throwing his first beer- it was his first beer!- into the garbage can of the seedy dive they'd parked at for the night.] Can't even hold stuff...

[wingenvy]

[Zack's been over the moon for ages now, all smiles and boundless energy. Sure, they still have some close calls, and they're still very much on the run, but now it isn't just Zack making decisions on where to go or how to handle each situation- they're working together, deciding together. Everything's different now that Cloud's awake and getting stronger every day.

The trade-off, of course, being that Cloud's now strong enough to have strength, and it's the kind he's never had before. All those mako treatments have finally balanced out themselves in his body, leaving him a SOLDIER without all the training that usually goes along with it.

As the can clanks messily into the trash, Zack offers up a sympathetic look.]

Tell me about it. The 3rd Class barracks back at Shinra are all made of superstrong folded steel, every bit of it- even down to the cups and cutlery! All because it's constantly a bunch of souped-up kids who don't even know their own strength until a few months in. I broke so much crap during training. Here--

[He stands up, grabbing the Buster from against the wall and walking over to Cloud's spot. He twists it around to stretch the hilt out towards Cloud, brow quirked.]

Hold this for a while, see how it feels. I promise you this at least isn't gonna break.

[moseyin]

[Cloud stares openly at the sword- he doesn't know the whole story behind it but he knows it's important, so Zack holding it out to him so easily and casually doesn't make sense.]

Are...you sure? [But he's already reaching for the hilt, and already marveling at how his arm hardly wavers when Zack lets go. As a trooper he'd have hit the dirt along with it.]

[wingenvy]

Sure. I trust you.

[As easy as breathing. Anyway, Cloud's used it before- held it aloft and attacked Sephiroth with it, even. Zack hadn't been there but he'd heard Hojo debate it at length with his lackeys. It ought to feel much lighter now than it did back then.

Zack reaches out and winds his hands around Cloud's, over the hilt.]

The mako is kind of a trick in your head for a while- before, you had to hold onto things more tightly, so your fingers have that muscle memory and now you have to re-train 'em. Feel that grip- hear how the leather's creaking? Just relax a bit. The sword's not as hefty as your head thinks it is.

[He shifts one hand to cover Cloud's eyes next.]

Don't look at it. Think about the weight in your hands- not how heavy your eyes tell you it is, but how light it feels.

[moseyin]

["Don't look at it," okay. Cloud closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and holding the blade out in front of himself. He wraps his other hand around the hilt, lifting it up slowly; tries to match what it looks like in his head, whenever Zack would do that one thing before a big fight.

Breathe in, out. Bring the flat of the sword closer and, gently, as if praying, touch his forehead to the blade.]

[wingenvy]

[Zack lowers his hand again to check - okay, good, his eyes are closed - and leans back to watch, eyes widening a little as Cloud goes through the motions of a very familiar gesture. He hadn't realized Cloud remembered him doing that enough to make an impression. It leaves him speechless for a long moment.]

...So, if you didn't know it was the Buster, what would you think it was? How heavy does it feel?

[moseyin]

[Cloud spent so much time watching Zack, it'd be less believable if he hadn't remembered it.

At the question he draws back, brow furrowing in concentration as he holds the sword out, eyes still screwed shut.] It's weird. Feels like it should be heavy in like...the size. Like I can feel what size it is? But it's like it weighs as heavy as a normal sword, but then I do this- [Swings the blade in a slow downward arc,] -and I can tell it's got its weight behind it.

[wingenvy]

Yeah, sounds about right.

[He reaches out and grips the hilt just under where Cloud's hands are, lifting just a little so Cloud can feel it.]

Okay, I've got it, let go for now. Hold your hand out instead, palm up. Eyes still closed, no peeking.

[He waits until they've traded off, setting the Buster aside and disappearing for a moment. Then he sets something down on Cloud's palm, not letting go just yet.]

Get your fingers around this one, tell me how it feels to hold without looking.

[The shape Cloud finds is circular and smooth metal, and it weighs more or less what a regular can of beer ought to, minus the sensation of sloshing liquid. Perhaps as heavy as an empty can might be?]