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moseyin posting in

[It happens in the middle of nowhere.

Just another nondescript hole Zack's found to curl them up into. Sometimes they're lucky enough to get a bed in the slums somewhere, the outskirts of some crappy little village or the deep, dank alleyways of a larger city. Most of the time they have a tent, if they're lucky, if Zack manages and money allows, and sometimes they're not lucky and they forfeit shelter for food, for potions for when Zack gets a wound that grit and gumption can't close.

Well- Zack does all of these things. They're a 'they' in bodycount only.

It's Zack dragging himself and Cloud across the countryside, it's Zack finding them shelter, finding them food, tearing into monsters to scrape together enough gil to keep them alive. It's Zack looking after the few wounds Cloud acquires during their journey, it's Zack who talks to him, who feeds him, who carries him on his god damn back for days and days and days on end. Weeks. Months.

Cloud isn't often awake, but sometimes he is. Things are hazy like a dream, sloppy like slumber, slips and strips of memory, of experiences that barely thread together to make something patchwork. And that's how it is when it happens too, because it was only a couple times, fighting to break the surface of a pool of tar. He emerges not with a gasp but an awareness, only for a few moments before he's pulled under. Each time Zack was gone, or asleep, clutching Cloud to his chest for protection but too exhausted to hear his breathless whispers of Zack, Zack as Cloud tries desperately to rouse him, if only to reassure him of I'm here, I hear you, I see you, you're not alone until the mako curls around and into him and pulls him back under.

And then, that middle of nowhere.

Cloud wakes to the sun on his face; weak morning sun, wobbly, not yet hot. They'd slept outside. Zack is already awake, humming to himself, murmuring something, fiddling with a fire. He's going to make a hot breakfast for them. A luxury.

Cloud waits those few minutes, tense and unnerved, waiting for the coils of mako to pull him back under. His limbs still feel weak but something is...different this time. Things feel sharper. He can hear things more than Zack this time, more than the beat of his heart and the hush of his breath; he can hear the crackle of the fire, the chirp of far off birdsong. Cloud can feel the humidity clinging to his skin, sticking his clothes to his chest and back. He can smell the outdoors around them.

He is present. At last, he is.

Zack's turning around towards him, probably to collect him and bring him closer to the fire, to feed him again and once Zack reaches for him, once Cloud is sure he'll see he reaches, just barely, and closes a hand around Zack's wrist.] Zack.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

moseyin

[The rambling helps. Even Zack squeezing into the sidecar with him, cramped as it is, helps. Zack's voice gives him something to focus on, something to listen to rather than something to filter out.

And it slams home just how afraid Zack is to go back to being alone. It's so hard to swallow the idea that Zack, Zack of all people, with how strong and brave and capable he is, that he can be afraid.

But they were both in that lab.

They both watched Nibelheim burn.

Zack says something else, some kind of tangent about junk food and how city stuff is always better except for Gongagan barbecue and Cloud realizes he's understood the past few sentences Zack's said, that the hum and murmur of his voice is actual understandable words instead of senseless noise.

Zack poses another off-hand question, Think we should get some jerky or something for the road while we're here? and Cloud swallows, presses his cheek against Zack's shoulder and manages a slow, drunk-sounding,] Yyeah.

From:

wingenvy

[The response is encouraging, a confirmation that Cloud can not only hear him but understand, the words not just meaningless noise for once. Still there. Sluggish and hazy, but present. He hasn't fallen back into the hole that Zack's never been able to pull him out of. It coaxes a bit more of the panic out of Zack's chest, stills his pounding heart. It's okay. They're still okay.

He sounds hoarse, so Zack reaches over him to his own compartment of the bike, unscrewing the cap of a canteen and lifting it to Cloud's lips to drink.]

Here, you're probably thirsty, too. We'll get some carbs and water into ya, you'll be right back to where you were at this morning, you'll see. Salt's probably good for this shit, too, dilute the mako or something. Jerky's a good idea. ...Oh! Y'know what we need? Some rice. Mom used to put rice in the salt shaker to get the moisture out and keep it fresh. 'Course that was uncooked rice, so I dunno what happens once it's in the body... well, whatever! We can try it. I'll see if they have some, they've got a little grocery corner in there, I think. Dried goods and stuff.

From:

moseyin

Zz...ack, [Cloud interrupts, speaking less and less like trying to pull a stick from a particularly stubborn bog the more attempts he makes. It's hard but Zack going on and on like that- as helpful as it is, it still bothers him.

With great effort he slides his hand between them, bumping against Zack's until he manages to nudge it atop his, give his knuckles the smallest squeeze.] M'kay...you're- nnnot alone...

From:

wingenvy

[Zack halts immediately to listen, not wanting to miss a single, struggling word. It takes a few seconds for it to click, but once it does, a grateful smile crosses his lips. He turns his hand around and twines their fingers together, to hold more tightly and to give Cloud an easier time with holding him.

This guy... wrestling his way through every word, poisoned half out of his damn mind, and he's trying to comfort Zack. If he'd ever had a single doubt about leaving Cloud behind, this would've dashed it all away.

He's too good. Way too good.]

Yeah... I'm not. Not anymore. You're right here with me. And I'm not gonna let you go anywhere, so hold on tight, okay?

From:

moseyin

[The squeeze he manages isn't much stronger than the one before, but it is.

It is.

The days pass by at a crawl. Zack doesn't always get an answer out of Cloud when he starts rambling, but more and more often he does. Sometimes Cloud improves at an agonizing slow pace, and sometimes he takes leaps and bounds forward. The first time Cloud manages to walk without assistance Zack is nearly beside himself with joy, which is honestly an overreaction but Cloud can't deny how good it makes him feel over something so small.

As he regains more of his autonomy the sidecar becomes something of an embarrassment, but it's not as if they have the luxury of retaining their pride. Cloud can at least get in and out of it without assistance now, and has taken it upon himself to scout behind them whenever possible so at least Zack has less to worry about.

One of the things that proves a persistent issue is the matter of his strength.

Not just his strength either; his reflexes, his senses. Everything is louder, brighter; his hands start moving faster than he remembers, he lurches when he just meant to walk. The first time he holds a can he crushes it before he's even popped the tab for a drink.]

's bullshit, [Cloud growls, throwing his first beer- it was his first beer!- into the garbage can of the seedy dive they'd parked at for the night.] Can't even hold stuff...

From:

wingenvy

[Zack's been over the moon for ages now, all smiles and boundless energy. Sure, they still have some close calls, and they're still very much on the run, but now it isn't just Zack making decisions on where to go or how to handle each situation- they're working together, deciding together. Everything's different now that Cloud's awake and getting stronger every day.

The trade-off, of course, being that Cloud's now strong enough to have strength, and it's the kind he's never had before. All those mako treatments have finally balanced out themselves in his body, leaving him a SOLDIER without all the training that usually goes along with it.

As the can clanks messily into the trash, Zack offers up a sympathetic look.]

Tell me about it. The 3rd Class barracks back at Shinra are all made of superstrong folded steel, every bit of it- even down to the cups and cutlery! All because it's constantly a bunch of souped-up kids who don't even know their own strength until a few months in. I broke so much crap during training. Here--

[He stands up, grabbing the Buster from against the wall and walking over to Cloud's spot. He twists it around to stretch the hilt out towards Cloud, brow quirked.]

Hold this for a while, see how it feels. I promise you this at least isn't gonna break.

From:

moseyin

[Cloud stares openly at the sword- he doesn't know the whole story behind it but he knows it's important, so Zack holding it out to him so easily and casually doesn't make sense.]

Are...you sure? [But he's already reaching for the hilt, and already marveling at how his arm hardly wavers when Zack lets go. As a trooper he'd have hit the dirt along with it.]

From:

wingenvy

Sure. I trust you.

[As easy as breathing. Anyway, Cloud's used it before- held it aloft and attacked Sephiroth with it, even. Zack hadn't been there but he'd heard Hojo debate it at length with his lackeys. It ought to feel much lighter now than it did back then.

Zack reaches out and winds his hands around Cloud's, over the hilt.]

The mako is kind of a trick in your head for a while- before, you had to hold onto things more tightly, so your fingers have that muscle memory and now you have to re-train 'em. Feel that grip- hear how the leather's creaking? Just relax a bit. The sword's not as hefty as your head thinks it is.

[He shifts one hand to cover Cloud's eyes next.]

Don't look at it. Think about the weight in your hands- not how heavy your eyes tell you it is, but how light it feels.

From:

moseyin

["Don't look at it," okay. Cloud closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and holding the blade out in front of himself. He wraps his other hand around the hilt, lifting it up slowly; tries to match what it looks like in his head, whenever Zack would do that one thing before a big fight.

Breathe in, out. Bring the flat of the sword closer and, gently, as if praying, touch his forehead to the blade.]

From:

wingenvy

[Zack lowers his hand again to check - okay, good, his eyes are closed - and leans back to watch, eyes widening a little as Cloud goes through the motions of a very familiar gesture. He hadn't realized Cloud remembered him doing that enough to make an impression. It leaves him speechless for a long moment.]

...So, if you didn't know it was the Buster, what would you think it was? How heavy does it feel?

From:

moseyin

[Cloud spent so much time watching Zack, it'd be less believable if he hadn't remembered it.

At the question he draws back, brow furrowing in concentration as he holds the sword out, eyes still screwed shut.] It's weird. Feels like it should be heavy in like...the size. Like I can feel what size it is? But it's like it weighs as heavy as a normal sword, but then I do this- [Swings the blade in a slow downward arc,] -and I can tell it's got its weight behind it.

From:

wingenvy

Yeah, sounds about right.

[He reaches out and grips the hilt just under where Cloud's hands are, lifting just a little so Cloud can feel it.]

Okay, I've got it, let go for now. Hold your hand out instead, palm up. Eyes still closed, no peeking.

[He waits until they've traded off, setting the Buster aside and disappearing for a moment. Then he sets something down on Cloud's palm, not letting go just yet.]

Get your fingers around this one, tell me how it feels to hold without looking.

[The shape Cloud finds is circular and smooth metal, and it weighs more or less what a regular can of beer ought to, minus the sensation of sloshing liquid. Perhaps as heavy as an empty can might be?]

From:

moseyin

[Keeping his eyes closed should be terrifying, but it's like he can feel Zack on the air right nearby; can practically hear his heartbeat above the call of crickets, the soft shush of the breeze through the scraggly shrubs behind them. Cloud can sense Zack so intimately it's almost like he's wrapped around him again, and Cloud doesn't know if that's because of his new heightened senses or because of this new thing that's sprouted up between them, that blurs the lines where Zack ends and he begins.

He just knows he doesn't hate it.]

Huh, um... [Cloud furrows his brow, eyes still closed as he turns the cylinder around in his hands. It's so light, but the shape of it is unfamiliar with the weight. Like something he's never held before in his life.] ...I dunno. Feels like I could chuck it into outer space if I got mad enough, [he jokes a little weakly.]

From:

wingenvy

Yeah, that feeling never goes away with the small stuff. I'm gonna take it, hang on-

[He snags the object and tosses it where Cloud had thrown the trash earlier; it clatters heavy and metallic in the garbage and is gone. It is replaced, carefully, with another full can of beer, and Zack makes a point of closing Cloud's fingers around the bottom of it instead of the side.]

Here's a trick they taught me in training, because trust me, I've smashed a few of these myself. Ever tried to crush a can at the bottom? Because it's a bitch and a half to do, and even for a SOLDIER it takes a bit of effort. It ought to take the pressure. Feel that? How light it is?

From:

moseyin

Uh...yeah, I can. [Where is Zack going with this? Cloud can't help but hold the can like it's glass, probably way too gently and on the verge of dropping it if not for Zack's hand holding his in place.] Zack, what're you doin'...?

From:

wingenvy

I'm trying to give you a damn beer, you doofus. We deserve a drink.

[There's the sound of a popping tab, the fizz of escaping air from the can, and then Zack guides Cloud's hand closer to his body until metal touches his lips.]

Hold it like this, and you're golden.

From:

moseyin

[Zack's fingers slip from around Cloud's and he holds the can -gently- as he takes a sip. A gulp.]

...this tastes like shit, [Cloud proclaims as he takes another drink, giddily. It's annoying, having to concentrate like this, but he'll get used to it. And- and for how much he hates Hojo, for how much he hates the labs, what was done to them both- for all the times he still finds himself drifting, hearing things, Cloud has to admit that finally having the strength to keep this from ever happening again is one of the very few comforts to draw from the past five years.

Zack being the other.]

From:

wingenvy

[Zack laughs again. It's getting so easy to laugh these days, the more and more that they're able to talk to each other properly. It feels like it's been ages since he's felt this free, even after breaking out of the lab.]

Wait until we get to Midgar, man. We can't afford the good stuff until we start making real money.

From:

moseyin

[Mmmmm yeah about that

Cloud lowers the can, fingertip fiddling with the tab.] Zack...is it really a good idea to go to Midgar?

From:

wingenvy

A good idea? No, not by a long shot. It's probably the worst place we could go, at this point.

[Zack's smile softens, stepping away to prop the Buster back against its spot near bike - within easy reach - running his hand over the engravings on the hilt.]

I have to go back, though. I made a promise to someone.

From:

moseyin

[Well, at least Zack knows how bad an idea it is. It's not as if Cloud has anything to lose, so-] Okay. Guess I'll have to protect you, then.

From:

wingenvy

You don't have to, y'know. I was dragging you all over because I didn't want anybody to find you when you couldn't protect yourself... but you're awake now, and you're strong enough- you can go wherever you want. Don't feel indebted to me or anything.

[Far be it for him to assume what Cloud wants or needs- and he'd be a shitty friend if he forced Cloud to dive right back into the danger of facing Shinra head-on.]

From:

moseyin

Don't be stupid. [Takes another sip of beer.] I'm gonna protect you because I care about you.

From:

wingenvy

[Heh. Zack smiles again, small at first before it swiftly changes to a proper grin. It's not exactly a surprise, but it's still a relief to hear. He's been running solo without any sort of support system for months, and the thought of being able to rest with someone to watch his back is just... it's huge. It's too to not feel incredibly moved by Cloud's statement.]

...Well, okay. If you feel that strongly about it.