(no subject)

[monolike]

Being raised in the church isn't so bad.

Empyrean worship isn't as prevalent as before, even in the capital of Loegress, but the priests and attendants are all friendly and more importantly, it's safe. That's what they tell Sorey over and over, it's safe within the city, and he supposes it must be true. Sometimes he'll hear whispered stories when he's cleaning the pews, on his knees in the shadows as Brother Mathley and Brother Ferengard murmur, another village, did you hear, what a pity.

And though his heart longs for the outside world, as far back as he can remember, he's only seen the city walls. And the priests don't believe him when he tells them about the spirits; about the nice old kitty who tells him stories from when the mountains were still being born, about that man who could make the wind do as he wished. They were good spirits, Sorey could tell, but almost nobody could see them.

...nobody but Artorius.

He had only visited the capital once, with two other people. He was younger than the brothers but much older than Sorey, and he looked every inch the explorer Sorey wished he could be. Sorey had hidden behind the altar with the cat spirit as they spoke with High Priest Gideon, as he told them something about violence and nonsense before turning them away. Artorius (Sorey would learn his name much later) had seen him, looked at him and then, very deliberately, looked at the cat as well. Then he'd smiled and raised his finger to his lips before he and the others left.

"Don't associate with those types," Father Gideon had said to him, but Sorey knew, one day, he would join them.

The Scarlet Night happened, and now everyone could see monsters. And then it happened again, and everyone could see spirits. Artorius returned, Father Gideon welcomed him with open arms, and the moment Sorey turned seventeen he joined the Abbey's ranks. He'd practiced bowmanship and swordsmanship before at the church as a way to keep fit, but now his skills would be used to protect people, to kill daemons.

He would be given a malak, today, to use to those ends. And though it makes him feel a little deceitful, as Sorey pulls on and straightens his uniform for the ceremony, all he can think about is finally, finally leaving the city walls.

Comments

[monolike]

It's a lot more of a comfort like this, for him; being the only one making decisions for two, being responsible for a person who didn't even value their own life...it wasn't so much a burden as it felt an unearned responsibility. With Vahvuus providing input it feels a lot better, a lot more like a partnership.

His expression doesn't say that he's as joyful about this change as Sorey is, but it's infinitely better than the blank, empty body language and downturned face from before.

Sorey watches him splash water over his face before he starts and remembers right, yeah, he's still naked. In front of this very beautiful near-stranger. Flushing a little, Sorey finishes rinsing off before wading back over to the shore to climb out of the water, at least pulling on his undergarments so he can spread out on the grass and dry the rest of the way before putting on his uniform. Vahvuus probably wants to spend more time in the water anyway, and Sorey isn't eager to pull him away before he's ready.

[tsunergy]

Vahvuus straightens up as he notices Sorey leave the water and dress himself, bracing for the call to leave, but when Sorey settles down in the grass instead, he relaxes again, shifting in the water to wait at the edge of the shore nearest to him.

He's not quite sure what to do with his own time, but the more he thinks (for himself, for his own benefit) the more he realizes that he knows next to nothing about the man to whom he's been tethered. And while it's true that he doesn't know anything about himself, either, or if there's even a "himself" to know, of the two there's something he can actually do about the former.

So, after a lengthy silence, he manages to speak up again: "I want to ask about you. Is that permitted?"

[monolike]

Sorey glances up from where he'd been resting his head on his arms. "Sure? I mean, yeah, of course; you can ask me anything, anytime you want."

[tsunergy]

Vahvuus files that blanket permission away for later in his mind and turns in the water to face Sorey, his head tilted somewhat curiously. "Exorcists are taught to use us as tools. The Abbey covers our faces and binds our kind to yours without choice or permission. We're used and destroyed as needed. The others don't question this process- it's normal, expected. Am I correct?"

It's all a little disturbing when it's laid out plainly that way, but there's nothing in his tone that might express what someone would typically feel: betrayal, anger, distress. Instead he's very matter-of-fact, calm. It's the only truth he knows, and he wants to make sure he understands everything properly before he digs any deeper.

[monolike]

"I...I haven't heard of anybody else questioning that, no," Sorey answers quietly, laying his head back down on his arms, ashamed. It isn't exactly like that; ideas are presented differently depending on who's talking about it, he thinks, but at its core he can't deny that malakhim are still considered unliving beings, expendable and replaceable.

[tsunergy]

Hm. His intent hadn't been to force Sorey to feel guilty, but he can sense the effect, and he pauses before he continues this line of questioning. However this goes, he... wants to ask. And Sorey has yet to tell him to stop. So, after a moment, "Why did you? What makes you different?"

He doesn't know humans. He doesn't know how they think or why they act any particular way. Sorey's the only human he even knows by name. So much of this is unknown territory for him, but he's... curious? Yes, curious, that's the word.

[monolike]

He could talk about the cat that only he and the eldest father could see, or the man who smelled like storms and far off places, but there's a truer answer than those.

"It was you," Sorey tells him, looking up from his arms again. "When you saw the fountain. I was confused before, but when you saw the water, it's like I could feel your interest and longing."

He pushes himself up to sit cross-legged on the grass. "I'm not anything special; it's you."

[tsunergy]

That's harder to swallow; confusion swells in his mind, and with the mask gone, it's easy to see it on his expression. Every emotion, every thought is new and palpable. "I don't... understand. I'm not... I didn't do anything."

There's nothing special about him. No one's ever told him anything like that. He's just a malak, expendable and worthless to everyone except the man sitting before him now.

[monolike]

"Maybe not," Sorey leans his elbows on his knees, "but it still meant something to me. Without that, I might never have questioned anything. And I think it's important to start acknowledging the effect we have on each other, if we want to come to understand one another."

[tsunergy]

Ah... so that's why. It makes sense when he says it like that. Mutual understanding isn't a concept he'd considered before now- never had to, never really been introduced to it. But the way Sorey says it just kind of clicks. Everything he's been doing since the beginning- not just the fountain, but from their first meeting, asking what kind of name he'd like rather than just thrusting one upon him. Vahvuus hadn't understood what he'd been trying to do in that moment, but he can recognize it now.

From that first day, even without knowing... he'd been trying to give him back his free will.

...wait... back...? But when did I...

...that's not my--

He winces, lifting a hand to his forehead, a slight ringing in his mind distracting him from that train of thought. It probably doesn't matter. What's done is done, for good or ill.

My name is... my name... it's...

Vahvuus Cryfder

Is it?

"I'd like that," he finally responds, shaking his head to dispel anything but their current conversation. It hurts... he doesn't want to think about it. "I... want that. I-I think. To understand you."

[monolike]

The flinch that snaps through Vahvuus is alarming, as is the way he grabs at his head. Sorey leans forward in concern even as he recovers, hand outstretched though he's out of reach. What is that? It's not the first time he's been disturbed by a reaction Vahvuus had given him, and he's sure it won't be the last but that doesn't make it any less worrying. What is causing him such discomfort?

Is it related to that mask?

"...Then we can work on that. I want to understand you too; I don't think it'll be impossible for us to reach that point, either."

[tsunergy]

Vahvuus offers up a quiet, thoughtful hum, leaning back against the bank to lie the way Sorey had, imitating his posture curiously, his feet still dipped into the water. This is... nice. The sun's warm and his feet are cold, with the light shining down on his skin instead of heating up the mask until it scalds. Strange, how he hadn't known what he wanted until it was handed to him.

"I'm not sure I understand myself yet, but I'll try to do my part, too." It feels more honest and equalizing than just a simple agreement to follow orders, or answer questions when instructed. It's more active, more... intentional? Yes, that.

[monolike]

"Okay." Sorey can't help the slow grin crawling into place over his face, moving closer and leaning on an elbow so he can stretch a hand out to Vahvuus to shake. This is what he'd wanted from the beginning; them talking, being equals. Maybe they're not quite there yet, and there are more mysteries than ever to unravel and he's beginning to wonder about the integrity of the Abbey...but now, finally, he has someone. Somebody he can trust. Not because Vahvuus is bound to obey him, but because they came to an agreement together. "It'll be a pleasure to learn more about each other, together."

[tsunergy]

Vahvuus is quicker to take his hand than before, his grip more firm, and after a moment, his own lips curve upward, imitating a faint rendition of Sorey's smile. It's awkward at first, but as moments pass and he gets used to the feel of it, it grows more natural. It's the smile of someone who's never tried before, but who is suddenly eager to learn.

"Yeah... agreed. Let's do this, as partners."

[monolike]

Sorey is going to ride this high for months, Vahvuus.

--

Though Vahvuus still has to hide when they get to town, Sorey still listens carefully to the little tugs of interest he shows and takes his time browsing, so they can both get a good look at the first town they've ever been to outside of the capital. As a port town, the marketplace is absolutely stuffed to overflow with exotic wares, foods and spices from overseas, fabrics and books and trinkets that the capital only ever doles out to their richest.

Sorey passes by a sweets stall but feels a gentle tug and backtracks, stopping to take a more careful look. "See something you like?" Sorey murmurs under his breath, still earning a curious look from the stall owner before he realizes he's an exorcist.

[tsunergy]

It's still strange, holding on to his awareness while dwelling within Sorey; before he'd only waited and listened, dull and empty to everything but a call or command, or a sign of danger where his presence would be needed. Now he's far more thoughtful and attentive, seeing the world through Sorey's eyes, and it's all as new and bright as that day in the river. The human world is diverse and vibrant, even with the daemons crawling about just outside their gates. The people are truly alive in a way that malakhim just... aren't. Not in any way that he can remember, at least.

Sorey's been indulging him with sights and experiences, and he's tried not to let it be a distraction, but sometimes he just can't help it. Being allowed to do things, to feel things, has put his senses into overdrive; he wants to feel and experience everything to make up for never getting to do it before.

The scent of food, conveyed through Sorey's body, catches his attention as they wander, and he'd wondered whether or not to say something when Sorey caught him before he could decide. Vahvuus focuses on the contents of the stall, taking in the appearance of every sweet, until he at last speaks up.

"That one on the far left... with the filling. What is that?"

[monolike]

"Excuse me," Sorey asks, pointing, and the shopkeep answers, oh sir Exorcist, you have excellent taste, that's our new vanilla bean and orange zest pastry, and Sorey orders a box, wrapped up nice, because they have some pocket money after selling off the pelts of the animals he'd trapped along the way and because Mikleo wants them. ...okay, also because they look delicious.

[tsunergy]

An entire box? That's unexpected. Vahvuus didn't know he had that much funds to spare on indulgences. Well, what the exorcist does with his money is up to him... there's a hum of pleasure coming from within, though. He chose that because Vahvuus picked it. All of these choices he's gotten to make, one after another- it's amazing, truly. And Sorey never gets angry when he asks.

"...Thank you," he murmurs as they leave the stall to continue through the market. Even through the box, even through Sorey's body, he can smell them, and it's delightful. "Have you tried such flavours before?"

[monolike]

He really doesn't, but he's splurging. It's his first time getting food like this outside the capital too, so he's eager to try. "Not like this," Sorey says cheerfully, the box cradled in his arm. They'll find a nice spot to enjoy these together, far enough from prying eyes that people won't question Vahvuus's presence. "I read that there's a lot more culinary experimentation in port towns than there are in cities further inland; we have vanilla bean buns and dried oranges and stuff back in Loegres, but I've never had them like this."

[tsunergy]

"I haven't, either. At least, I don't think so."

The longer he has free will, the more he wonders about that, though he has the sense to keep it to himself for the most part. There are flashes of familiarity, faces in his mind that he can't place. Sometimes a scent or a sound pierces through his heart and he loses focus on everything else in that moment. He's tried to steel himself against it, to avoid it causing a problem, but it's getting harder and harder over time. Too many unanswered questions, and he can't ask Sorey because he can't possibly know, either.

What matters right now, though, is Sorey himself, and the treat they get to share. And he's kind of... excited? He doesn't even bother to hide it. "I like it here... it smells like the ocean. Can we eat outside?"

[monolike]

Sorey can't quite tell but he can feel sometimes when Vahvuus gets restless, when he pulls more in one direction or the other and sometimes it doesn't just feel like plain curiosity. He leaves it alone though, for the sake of Vahvuus feeling comfortable exploring those urges without Sorey hovering over him and forcing him to think about the reasons why.

Baby steps, baby steps.

"Yeah, sure! I bet there's a few places down near the warehouses that don't have a lot of people." Sorey pokes his nose around, searching for a nice secluded spot until he finds one back behind the Abbey's storehouse, the platform facing the ocean with a few crates stacked here and there. "This is good. You can come out, it's okay."

[tsunergy]

Vahvuus orbs out of him at once, standing just out of sight of where the people might walk, and inhales the sea breeze, eyes closing as he takes it all in. It's not the greatest scent ever - the port smells fishy and disjointed, full of intermingling foods from all over the world, some of which clash poorly, and the air is more sick than usual with malevolence because of so many humans around. Even with all of that, it's almost heavenly. The feel of water and salt all around him is endless, filling the air, soaked into the dock, the ships, the stalls, even the humans themselves. It's so refreshing.

He sits himself down on the edge of the dock, feet dangling towards the water. He could get used to this. It's a shame they don't stay in one place very long. "So lively..."

[monolike]

"Cool, right?" Sorey grins as he looks over the docks. While there's something unsettling about it that Sorey can't quite put his finger on, and while the ships and crates do smell a little gross, it's just so intensely different from the capital that Sorey can't help but be in love. He's really, finally traveling, really getting to see the world. It's what he's always wanted and now, he has someone to travel with.

Sorey crosses his legs and sets the box on them neatly, gesturing for Vahvuus to join him. "Here! You should get to open it, since you picked them out. Your first pastry box opening!" It's not exactly a big deal, but maybe they can make it one. A whole collection of firsts for Vahvuus.

[tsunergy]

"Mm. As you say, it's- cool." He shuffles closer, reaching out. He hesitates, because taking things is still difficult sometimes even with permission, but he's faster that usual with his recovery and lifts the lid of the box before he can second-guess himself (or Sorey) again. At once the sweet scent of fresh pastries fills the air, delicious and tantalizing. He's not sure if the concept of "first pastry box" is significant in some way, but at once he's honestly delighted. It smells like it was well worth the gald paid to buy it.

Delicately he takes a pastry from the box, cupping a palm beneath to catch any crumbs. "Is there... something I need to do? Some ritual, or a particular method for eating it?"

In theory he knows how to eat, having watched Sorey plenty of times, but there's still a lot about human culture that he doesn't know. And this is already supposed to be special, evidently.

[monolike]

Oh right, this is his first time eating something too. Sorey doesn't even reach for his own, too eager to see how Vahvuus reacts to it to think about sharing. "Umm, not really. Some humans pray to the Empyreans before eating, but it's not really required. I don't do it." He's supposed to, but he's not going to. Despite the fathers' best efforts, Sorey never bought into the divinity side of things.