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Entry tags:

!caboose

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Who: Agent Texas and Michael J. Caboose
What: Rescue mission time, probably also adventures, slowly learning to trust one another, most badass special operative combat AI ever with the sweetest teamkilling juggernaut
Universe/CR: Canon divergence, post season 6

Caboose almost throws the soldering iron into Tex's face when she suddenly sits up. "OH MY GOD A ZOMBIE," he screams, jumping to his feet and tearing out of New Blue Base, kicking aside bits of scrap metal salvaged from the ship in his hurry.

Then there's just quie- Nope not quiet, that's Caboose yelling about zombies being overdone as he runs around outside. Then some gunfire, then Caboose sternly telling Red Team to stop attacking him and then, finally, some quiet.

...for a little while. Caboose isn't the best sneaker.

He peers around the corner, staring at Tex and managing to look wary despite the helmet and full body armor. He doesn't speak for a moment, but that can't possibly last long.

"...Tex. Is that you." See?

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The last thing she remembers was Omega bailing as the pelican she piloted neared the ground. There was panic, Sheila trying desperately to change their route, and her grabbing onto the nearest 'oh shit' handle she could find to brace herself for the crash after exhausting every possibility. Who the fuck had put a bomb on her ship?

Somehow, she's not dead. Damaged and unable to boot up, yes, but her subroutines put herself into emergency maintenance mode to preserve herself. Messed up as it was, her armor served its purpose of ensuring she remained safe until someone made repairs.

She just wasn't expecting that someone to be Caboose. She doesn't manage to get a word in before the idiot is running off and she's rolling her eyes. If only this was the first time this had happened. He can do what he wants, she needs to find gear to use. Gear that shoots bullets and isn't miscellaneous tools and who the fuck is letting Caboose use any of these? She's picking through the scrap metal and tools he has all over base when hears him return.

"Who else would it be?"

"Oh good," he sighs in relief, standing up and coming over to her. Zombies can't talk, so she can't be a zombie. "I thought you were alive and dead at the same time, but you're just regular dead." A ghost in a shell, if you will.

He begins picking up the tools he'd been using and piling them haphazardly in the corner, like he's embarrassed by the clutter and cleaning up for a guest. "Nobody's here but me," he says conversationally, crouching by his tool pile and organizing them by pointyness, which is one of his primary categorizing methods. "I don't know if you eat food but I have some and it's dinnertime soon."

Regular dead? She's never pretended to understand how Caboose's mind works, but at least the familiarity is comforting. She knows what to expect from him.

Even if him messing with tools is concerning. Given his track record, she'll keep her distance as she surveys the rest of the base.

"What do you mean, nobody is here?" she asks carefully, as if speaking to a small child. "Where did the rest of your team go?" Had the other two idiots finally ditched him?

"Oh well uh, Tucker went...somewhere else? I don't know." He does not care. In case it's not obvious, Caboose isn't fond of Tucker. ...Tucker wouldn't tell him anyway, probably for a completely different reason that Church hadn't told him, which is because Church wanted to play and Tucker is stupid.

"And then Church also went somewhere, but then Agent Washington needed my help, and we found Church and everybody else. And some stuff happened in between." Literally an entire season's worth of stuff. "And then he told Church he was a computer and then everyone became computers, and he went with Agent Washington and his body fell out of the car and I drove off a cliff and then I came here and Church hasn't made it back yet, probably because he's dead. Last time it took a while."

Edited 2015-08-23 02:13 (UTC)

Tucker left? She can't say she's surprised, though she has to wonder if it was a reassignment or him chasing after some chick that wandered too close to the canyon.

She's staring blankly at Caboose as he 'explains.' So, Wash came crashing through and fucked with Church. Great. If there's any chance Wash is around, she needs to get geared up and fast. There's no guarantee of who's side the rookie is on.

"Caboose, this is very important," she says, continuing to speak slowly. There's no room for him misunderstanding. "Is Wash still around here? Where did Church's body fall? Where are the extra weapons on base?"

What...was the first question again?

...and then all the other ones after that.

[It takes a miracle of patience, but eventually Caboose manages to produce answers. No, Washington didn't come back either. Church's body is back in Freelancer City and Caboose is standing next to Tex at the weapons locker as she gears up, chattering happily.]

And I was GOING to build a new best friend because I thought you weren't using your body anymore, but I'm pretty glad you have your body still. Church was pretty sad when he thought you were gone. But we have to take Epsilon on our adventure because I promised Agent Washington that I would take care of it and if I do a good job I'm PRETTY SURE Agent Washington is going to get me a puppy for my birthday.

[ That had been the longest moment of her life. She's surprised she even got all of her questions answered, even if it shaved the remaining years off of her life. Whatever's left of the weapons on base, she's working on loading herself down with as many of them as she can. Grenades, a rifle, pistol, maybe a shotgun for good measure if she can hook it somewhere... ]

Epsilon? You have Epsilon here?

[ And Wash just... let that happen? What the hell is going on here. ]

Oh yeah! [Caboose jogs over to the purple football-looking thing and scoops it up, much more carefully than he usually handles his things. He brings it over and holds it up, like he's introducing his pet dog to her.] Tex, this is Epsilon! Epsilon, this is Tex. Say hello.

[The unit begins to thrum loudly, almost enough to vibrate in Caboose's hands and he looks down at it in surprise.] Epsilon! So noisy. Yeah, he usually makes that sound if I tell him stories, but not that much! He probably likes you. [Caboose lifts the unit up to whisper.] Epsilon, shush. Be polite.

[ ...Is he being serious? She stares at Caboose. Then 'Epsilon.' And back to Caboose. It is a storage unit, she'll give him that. And it's occupied. But is that really Epsilon inside? ]

That's Epsilon? And you've been watching him? [ Is the AI as crazy and broken as last time she heard about it being in action? At least it's stuck in there. ] That's... great, Caboose. You sure you wouldn't be better off staying here with him?

Nope! [Twas a valiant effort, Tex.] I have to go with you because I'm an expert. Agent Washington said so. And I'm also VERY good at finding Church, I have a lot of practice.

[Caboose jogs off to pack and comes back far too soon with a duffel bag that contains the Epsilon unit, a washcloth, six toothbrushes and zero food.] Okay I'm ready for our adventure! This is gonna be so fun, Tex. You and me never went on an adventure with just us before!

[ If Wash thinks Caboose is an expert... That's all the proof she needs that Wash is still a rookie.

And it is incredibly tempting to ditch him when he goes off to pack. But if he's here by himself, it's only a matter of time before he gets himself killed. ]

What's your gun loaded with? [ Please say crayons and not bullets. Please. ]

Jellybeans! [Caboose pops out the magazine and plucks a piece out. Who knows how he does it, but he manages to wedge it into his suit filters and crunches down on it inside his helmet.] I have enough to share, but only a couple. It's very important I have them. [mostly because he wants them]

Hey Tex? Ummm can we go tell the Reds first where I'm going? If they don't know they'll be very worried about me. [not really kiddo]

[ Oh thank god. Jellybeans. Those are nonlethal, even at high velocities. She thinks. She runs a few cautionary calculations to double check before she's sure that at least he won't be deadly to her on this trip. ]

You can keep them. [ No, really. She does not want the jellybeans you have had shoved in your gun for who knows how long. ] Caboose, I'm leaving now. I'm going to be gone for a very long time. The Reds don't need to know about it.

But they'll be worried! I'll just leave a note, I guess. [Caboose finds a crayon and a requisition form (that he's filled out like Madlibs) and turns it over. He draws a picture of what's supposed to be the Lone Star State and labels it "Texes" and then draws a blue stick man, a yellow-brick road, a witch, Church and then Tucker crying by himself in the woods.] There.

[They don't have a car so they borrow (read: steal) the Reds' Warthog and Caboose is doing his best to engage Texas in a game of I Spy before finally giving up and just sitting quietly next to her for a while.

...a short while.] Hey Tex? I don't think Church really wanted to go with Agent Washington, but Agent Washington sounded kind of scared. Which is okay. That big Meta-Tron guy was scary. Church is a nice person, so I think he went with him like when you go with somebody to the bathroom because the house is dark. It was like that.

[ She is not touching that drawing with a ten foot pole. At least he's not technically wrong with it even if she's not sure of Tucker's current emotional status.

She's in the driver seat and has managed to keep herself sane through the game of I-Spy. Somehow. Being with Caboose is a never ending test of patience. Yet, he keeps spewing out information that could be useful. ]

Yeah, I'll believe Church being nice when I see it. Is Meta-Tron still alive? [ Because if he is... Church could be in a whole lot of trouble and her foot presses more firmly on the gas. ]

Umm I dunno. [Caboose grabs onto the dash when she accelerates.] I haven't seen anybody, but they probably just don't know where I live now. Or maybe it's more Hide-and-Seek! I'm probably running very, very late if it's more Hide-and-Seek.

But you're probably pretty good at it! You always found us wherever we went. I'm sure we'll find Church and Agent Washington and maybe that Metro PCS guy, but I don't want to if we don't have to. He hit me pretty hard one time and I was almost dead. [Ehh...he was sorta almost dead, it wasn't that big a deal.]

That's what I'm planning on. [ The Meta punched Caboose? She's side-eyeing him and the kid is lucky to be alive. Somehow the sim troopers seem to figure out ways to survive. ]

And nobody else was hurt? Or smashed or pummeled or used for target practice?

No, people were hurt. I didn't see it because I was sleeping [read: unconscious] but Grif kept complaining about him throwing lots of stuff at him, which was probably scary.

But less people got hurt than when you would come and live with us, so. I guess it was less scary than when you get mad.

[ Yeah she doesn't believe for a second Caboose was 'sleeping.' And she's not sure if she should be proud or relieved that the Meta and Wash managed to do less damage.

There's only one place she knows that qualifies as 'Freelancer City' and she's approaching with caution. Would Church's body be lying anywhere or stashed away? With the clusterfuck of agents involved, she's going to assume the worst. ]

That's nice, Caboose. And you've been living with... Epsilon [ As much as one can live with a storage unit. She's not even sure if it actually has Epsilon on it. ] this whole time. And the Reds have just left you alone?

[ She always knew they were crappy soldiers. ]

Oh no, we fight! Yeah, Red Sergeant likes to stand up on the hill and yell stuff at me about my penultimate demise or how they're gonna kill me and take all my stuff... But I told them I didn't have any stuff so one time they just came over and sat on top of my base until they got bored and left. That was fun, but I was busy building my new best friend so I couldn't play with them very long.

Ooh! Tex look, look! [Caboose half-stands up in his seat and points to a cliff towering in the distance, the drop nearly sheer and a collection of rubble and debris cluttering the base.] That's where I drove the car off! And that's pieces of the car! It broke and it was nobody's fault.

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